Allow Me to Introduce Myself..

It definitely has been a while since the last time I posted something. But then again it seems that everytime I post something, I'm always prefixing it with that statement. Nonetheless, it has been a while since my last post. The reason being, I really feel that it's sort of a waste of time simply because who knows who (or if) anyone is really even reading this stuff. But lately, especially as the years go by and my years become more and more realized, I feel like I do have a lot to say but no one to talk to. I've even found myself laying in bed late at night thinking about these different things only to be kept up by this ongoing inner dialogue that I can't escape from. So I guess moreso than writing with the expectation that someone will read this, I've come to the conclusion that I need to start writing more for myself and for my own sanity.

With that said, I take this newfound perspective and, for the umpteenth time, I present another attempt to consistently blog. Will I prove to be successful this time around? Who knows. All I know is that the longer I'm in LA, the more I realize how lonely this career path I've chosen is and how easy it is to become detached from family and friends. You spend everyday, head to the ground, pounding the pavement, that by the time you look up again, there's no one around but you. It's no wonder why when people make it here they either become extremely grateful and/or crazy.

Last night I found myself thinking about how my 10th year high school reunion is this year and how far everyone in my class has come so far. Not just in status and accomplishments but moreso in our relationships. I thought about the people whom I was closest to coming out of high school and those who I'm closer to now and I was surprised to realize that, with the exception of a of a couple of people, those who I were closest to throughout high school, those whom I thought that would be a part of my life until the day I die, were barely even part of it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love the friends I've made since leaving high school, even since leaving college, it's just that as I get older and I hear more and more people from high school getting married and having kids, I remember how I had this picture envisioned of how me and my closest friends from high school would sit around, old and fat, telling our children tales of how stupid we were growing up. I thought of the great times we had and wondered why we couldn't have that anymore? What was it about time and distance that made people, who were once inseparable, act like strangers?

I found myself thinking that if I were to die today, would people actually know me? And then my inner self recanted with a stern "What the fuck are you thinking about?! How depressing are you?!" But I do realize that when it comes those who I've known the longest, in some cases, our last moments together weren't exactly graceful, for the lack of a better word. Which brings me back to this blog. Along with needing another medium to vent, I do think it would be good to express who I am. Who I am to my friends of recent and who I've become for my friends of old.

So hello. My name is Conrad. Nice to meet you.

..let's just hope that I could stay consistent this time around..